My Mind: Don’t do it!

My Mind: I Swear to God, your just going to feel bad and want to cry if you Look at it!!

My Mind: Don’t Fucking do it !!!!!

*Looks at old photos of when they were together*

I can’t remember a lot of things from when I was a kid because it was so bad. I either warped what I do remember when I was young or I just flat out repressed it. But I did remember one thing perfectly. It was the night my father abused my entire family. I remember every single second of the fucked up night because it all my fault. I was about 4 when it happened but I pissed off my dad enough for him to chase after me upstairs and slam me on my back with his full weight on top of me. I had never hurt so bad in my life until then so I cried until my lungs started to burn. That’s when my sister ran upstairs and pulled him off me and he hit her square in the chest. I could still see everything but I couldn’t move. The whole thing was so scary that it seemed like a nightmare to me. But my mother told me today that it really happened. My father beat my sister and started to stomp on my other one before my mother could stop him and get us out of the house. My dad was a huge man and if my sister didn’t stop him he would have easily hurt me seriously like he did to them. And the reason I’m so fucked up right now is because I’m the reason why my family is so fucked up. Because I pissed him off he decided to teach me a lesson and like always I let him down and showed how weak I was.

So I posted something a few days ago about how fucked up I was after a previous relationship, well guess what? I forgot she had a tumblr account and she follows me -_-. The thing is I don’t follow her (because her blog bores me) and she gets on maybe once a month. So when she saw my post, she texted the next day asking if I needed to talk about something with her because she read my post in her “News Feed”………… (her words not mine btw I corrected her in the very next message). But anyway she said she would call me around mid night and we would talk about it. I was so nervous about it because I use to have such strong feelings for this girl that it hurt to hear before. Except something had changed……………… the conversation started off awkwardly, like a child who knows she’s done something bad, but soon I just told her like it was why I wrote that post without sugar coating it. There was no pain anymore, I wasn’t afraid of saying the wrong thing, and I wasn’t sucked into her shitty use of metaphors to explain herself. I finally realized what was different from all those other times we had talked before, I didn’t give a fuck anymore and I saw right through her bull shit. She started to talk about her new boyfriend now to try and make me feel bad, But I DIDN’T CARE!! I went on a rant about me and my girlfriend and it was like the power I never had before. I was finally happy without her and she hated it!! She hated the fact that I had a great meaningful relationship and she was still doing her stupid shallow relationships with some guy at VCU. I had grown up and she hadn’t and she knew it was obvious. I slayed my dragon by letting all the good things in my new life give me strength and by the time we got off the phone She asked if I still wanted to be friends, and I told her no straight up. I have amazing friends, a kick ass girlfriend, and followers on tumblr who have taught me “To not Give Fuck” and (pardon the phrase) ” Fuck Bitches and Get Money Instead”. So thank you guys!! I couldn’t have done it without you! :)

When I know it only brings out those feelings again that I tried so hard to hide.

Or did I just hardly mean anything to you.